Hertfordshire scientists today unveiled a lengthy report highlighting the full extent of ecological damage in the local area, as oxygen levels plummeted to something close to zero.
This near-anaerobic microcosm, situated at a television studio facility in Borehamwood, shows massive destruction. The cause was revealed as a near human species based within the compound in an environment labelled as Big Brother. The species is genetically pre-programmed to gravitate towards the compound, displaying simplistic forms of behaviour replicated by their successors in perpetuity.
"It is astonishing" says Professor Reginald Spigott, visiting professor in mercenary marketing at the John Noel University "that this unsophisticated life form can exert such a captivating effect on a vast swathe of society."
The professor goes on to add that the life form sucks the oxygen out of whatever environment it inhabits, rendering such places as no go areas.
"What we have learned about this organism" states Spigott "is that when it first inhabited the compound at the turn of the Millennium, it thrived, fed on a diet of publicity, money and kudos. Over time, the supply dwindled, rendering the surviving organisms relatively, weak, feeble and nearing extinction. The creatures have displayed scant ability to adapt to their changing environment, showing a general lack of intelligence and judgement."
One particular sub-species known as the Antipodean Deceiver (pictured right) shows itself to be worthy of study, as it travels very lengthy distances to plunder fellow organisms' reserves of sustenance, bamboozling those around it with conflicting signals. At an appropriate moment, it strikes, cannibalising its neighbours. This diminutive but selectively aggressive creature stops at nothing in its quest to monopolise all remaining oxygen.
"Sadly, this attack is ill-fated" affirms Professor Spigott. "The victorious inhabitant reigns only to discover that it has inherited an empty, vacuous shell, with no further resources with which to survive. The microcosm may resurrect itself in time, but signs aren't good."
An experimental nutrient called Dirty Desmond may be unleashed, with the intention of seeing if alternative stimulus rekindles this species.
A study group, code named Heat will oversee the experiment, reporting back its findings should developments occur.
