Tragic mum Jackiey Budden (pictured), 75, suffered a harrowing strip search today after joking of possessing a weapon at Gatwick Airport. Desperate to provide some relief from her grief at the loss of Britain's Queen of Hearts, Jade Goody, the nation's new Queen Mother jested that she was "well armed," devoid of any irony at such a statement.
"All I fucking said to the tart on the plane was just a silly throwaway remark about a Kalashnikov, four grenades and a Chieftain tank. What sort of jobsworth would wanna make some'fing outta that? Before I knew it, she 'ad me fucking clobber orf, and was doin' 'fings to me that I didn't even let punters do when I was on the game. Is there a fee for this?"
The plane was allowed to take off after a delay, with Budden eager to return to her humble roots, with what she described as a 'cheap and cheerful' break at the Villa del Boytrotter. The humble abode offers simple cuisine such as lobster, turbot, fillet mignon and venison, all cooked by celebrity chef Jean Christonabike. Having got wind of the area's celebrity arrival, one local, Sid Hawkins 56, originally from Dagenham said: "Fuck me - we fled Britain to get away from cunts like this. You 'aven't seen any Old Bill around 'ave you?"
Reports connecting Budden with former Big Brother housemate Rex Newmark have been strenuously denied by a friend of the family.
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